I'm incredibly new to all of this. My boyfriend jokingly mentioned spanking me one day and I realized then that the thought of it really turns me on. However, after reading some of the spanking stories on lj groups, I'm becoming sort of wary about getting into it. In general, as a person, I'm indecisve, I like being told what to do and don't like being in control. This would lend itself very well to a "submissive" role. But even though I find some of it sexy, it seems like it's discouraging personal growth. Am I, in essence, turned on by punishing myself for my own deficiencies, but doing nothing to change them? Rather than actually working to correct what I would consider to be things I need to work on, it seems like a submissive role would prevent me from doing so. It seems like when it comes to sub/dom, it's not just restricted to sex. It seems more like it's a lifestyle of sorts.
I am just casually interested in things like being controlled, spanked, etc. but also, when I've read erotica by people who are really into it, the dominant person enjoys making the submissive cry, beg, sort of like abuse. I understand that this community encourages respect for your partner. But just the idea of my boyfriend coming to get off on the idea of making me cry, etc...is a really big turn off for me. I don't want to jump headfirst into this kind of thing if I end up feeling really uncomfortable about it later, but having already gotten my boyfriend into it.
Has anybody been into spanking or submission without getting SO into it that they reach the extreme point written about in lots of submissive erotica? :/